If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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