So drunk its hurt
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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