I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
