Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
