how can u be prego again
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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