So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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