id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
