someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
