When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
