My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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