The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
