Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
