fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
