I am puke
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
