I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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