Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
