I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
