I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize