thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
