U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
