I bet he comes in French.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
