apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
