I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
