I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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