she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
