Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
