He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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