I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
