She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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