lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
