This is not my ceiling
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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