well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Pooping to opera.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize