I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
