Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
