It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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