I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
