hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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