i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
