this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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