you would pick up someone in the library
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
