He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
