i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
