There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
