I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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