Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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