We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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