Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
