i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
