You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
