A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
