It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
