Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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