Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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