she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
