I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
