I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
