She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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