Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
