so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
