I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
