8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
