So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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