Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
