I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
