What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
