so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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