..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
