walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
