Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
