He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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